The Arjay Conception

I usually don’t watch things like this. Not because I’m not interested, but because I have much better things to do. And then it gets recycled about 50 times so I never have to miss it. I’m writing about it now because I feel that it makes an interesting conversation piece, at the moment.

Okay, so I missed the beginning minute or two. By the time I tuned into Usher, he was nearly done with the routine–which appeared to be the same one in the video. It was like he was on stage saying, “Look, I still got it. Y’all newbies don’t have anything on my 30 years. Take that!” But I’m sorry, I wasn’t particularly impressed. I’ve been turned off since Usher got married, so that may partially explain it.

I thought D.L. Hughley was funny. Matter of fact, I thought he was hilarious; but I don’t feel that the audience agreed with me because there was a lot of silence and forced laughing. I was also concentrating on trying to find that mark/mole on his cheek. I searched all night long, but I didn’t see it.

Terrence Howard strumming that guitar was a total turn on to me. I didn’t know he was into music like that. Jennifer Hudson looked simplisticly awesome in her suit (or was it a dress?). It flattened her body very nicely. Her hair was precise. I love her like this, versus the more long-weaved-wigged glamor look.

OMG! Chris Brown. I have never got around to finishing writing my article on him. It was to have a sexy appeal. But after seeing him last night, I think I have changed my mind. He looked like a straight up sissy with the slightly curly mohawk with the brown highlighting. I almost thought he was that guy off of that One on One show. Ewww. Nevertheless, he is a “grown” man now. I didn’t get the boyish appeal at all. And yes, he was seated by Rihanna. Get off of it already!

Young Jeezy performed his club bangin song, “Put On,” however, I wasn’t very put on by it until Kanye came out and snatched the rug from under his feet. Thank you, Kanye.

Either Kevin Hart is short as hell, or Mel B. aka Scary Spice is taller than a mf. It looked so strange. They said something about Dancing with the Stars, but all I could think about was Soul Plane.

Now, I wanted so badly that Keyshia Cole make me take back my words about her. And I totally believe she needed to win an award because there is just something about the soul in her music that speaks the truth. But her performance made me feel bad about even giving her another chance. I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she can only sing “well” in the studio because her stage voice nearly shot my ears, once again. And she knew it too, because she didn’t even sing with the song after a while. She kept doing some dance moves that were faintly reminiscent of Mary J. Blige’s side-jumpy-thing-dance-move, except her version looked like she was having random seizures.

And there is something about the Queen B, Lil’ Kim, that when she appears, it feels like the damn President or something. I’m not nearly her biggest fan, but when she came out, I was so excited…to have the attention diverted from Keyshia. And I swear Missy Elliot was on that track and I was awaiting her arrival, but they disappointed me–not to mention, she wasn’t there to accept her own award.

Speaking of not being there, I’m highly offended that The Dream wasn’t there to accept his new artist of the year award…after all the accolades I’ve given him!

That was cute with Cuba Gooding, Jr., Morris Chestnut, and Nia Long all appearing together representing the old click from Boy n the Hood. The deserve mad props and look damn good since its been about 20 years and all. Nia was fine, Morris was buff, and Cuba was…well, he just doesn’t seem to fit in, but hey, he’s rich!

Neyo performed some song that maybe his biggest fans know, but I did not, and I hate that. He always looks sharp as hell (with the Michael Jackson flavor), and I Iove a man for that, but I’m bored with unfamiliarity when performing at an awards show.

Ashanti looked nice in her dress that I could almost see her vagina in. Her legs are thick and toned so she must be working out. I would want to make sure I was up to par too, when standing next to L.L. Is he 50 yet? This man is eternal. Oh, so sexy! I don’t recall him licking his lips excessively, if, at all this time.

Alicia Keys is my favorite, so I was eager for her performance–although she did “Teenage Love Affair” instead of my song, “Like You’ll Never See Me Again.” That song is okay, catchy…just not my preference because it seems so juvenile. She absolutely deserved whatever award she won (I can’t remember). Her CD is still in my rotation in my car. She looked beautiful, as usual.

I got a little confused when Alicia started singing, “Weak.” I absolutely recognized the song, and was like, WTF? Oh what a surprise when SWV came onto the stage!!! I don’t remember their names, but the lead singer looked extremely tired, or rather beat up, which went along with her voice. I was so afraid, but secretly wanted Alicia Keys to take over the singing, but I didn’t want the original artists to resent her for it.

Then came En Vogue…like, all four of them. Holy crap! And Dawn (is that her name?), no, it’s Cindy (she was in Juice with Omar Epps, lol!) took over (never thought she had a really strong voice). All the ladies are so slim and have aged very well.

But it doesn’t stop there. TLC was next on the stage. I just knew they were going to say something about R.I.P Left Eye. Nope. Maybe T Boz wasn’t feeling good because she didn’t look so hot in the face and her voice matched. It was really crackly, and yes, that was her style back in the day, but this was different. From what I could hear in the background chorus, Chili sounded quite nice.

I appreciate that entire performance and hope that BET does that again in the future. We need to honor pioneers, and they don’t have to be 75 years old, necessarily.

Leading me to Quincy Jones. He is the man. He received the humanitarian award. The pictures of him doing this and that all over the world were really touching. He is truly wonderful and has been responsible for the success of many.

T-Pain put on quite a spectacle as I would expect as someone who blew up out of nowhere, from Florida. He must leave a mark. I really do mean spectacle though–it looked like he was at the circus with the stage props and costumes. He really is an entertainer.

Rick Ross came out to join T-Pain in song. And it was my favorite song, but I was stuck on the fact that he was rockin a two piece warm-up type suit, with his titties and belly hanging out. Yep, no shirt on. Now that, was a fashion statement. And I ain’t hatin. If you like your fat ass like that and think its sexy, so do I!

DJ Khaled bounced his big ass up there too, acting like a fool. I’m not a fan of him because he’s just in the songs saying a bunch of crap that could be edited out. But I understand that he is the creator and all. They got me so hyped up, I thought Plies was about to come out and wreck shit. I was drooling waiting for the moment. It didn’t happen. Big Boi showed up though and that worked for me. Ludacris came out too, and it turned into the most exciting venture of the evening.

I was voting for UGK’s “Player’s Anthem” video, and it won. Congrats to putting everybody in hip-hop in that video. R.I.P Pimp C. His wife was on stage…I will stop writing…

Now, pause and reflect for a moment and realize that no rap, r&b, or hip-hop is complete without giving praise to the Lord. Marvin Sapp cleaned it up with some gospel that touched me dearly. I’m not kidding either. I (like the comment D.L Hughley made, but no one laughed) almost traded in my life..but I realized we were barely half-way through the show, and there was more pussy-poppin (I said it, again!) to go.

There was a great photo slideshow going on in the background during the gospel hour. It ended with a picture of Barack and Michelle. There goes the whole Black Vote thing…I’ll have to explain it later, I don’t want to get off track. They should have been there though.

I stepped out a minute and missed the beginning of Chris Brown’s performance. Even though I caught the latter minutes, I’m not too sure how he sang because I had my eyes glued to the sexual performance put on by him and Ciara. It reminded me off this: (Who the hell is J Smoove?)

Ciara and Chris can both dance their asses off and this was like a battle. Of course they showed Rihanna’s face (get over it), and she looked enthused–but not as enthused as I was, so perhaps she was faking it. I stood up, directly in front of the big, flat screen, to verify that it was Ciara and to make sure I was seeing it all correctly. Damn! Damn! That’s all I can say.

Al Green was honored and, as is tradition, a few people sang his old songs. I thought (and my mother, who would be more qualified to speak on this) that Jill Scott did a boring job. They just should have stuck to male singers. Anthony Hamilton had the right voice for the job. Then came Maxwell. I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I knew Al Green got a lot of panties back in the day, but Maxwell, I wouldn’t even wear panties for!! I haven’t seen this man in about 10 years. He got rid of the ‘fro, and was sleek and sexy. Yummy!

Al Green sang in a somewhat raspy voice but it was crunk and we all appreciated him bringing us back to our roots. He seemed to be excited himself. I was almost expecting him to get the holy ghost.

Speaking of raspy voices and the singers last night…is that common place for a voice to suck after disuse? Or were they fooling us years ago?

Rihanna sang “Take a Bow” and it was at this moment, I wish I had gone to bed. What a boring song. Actually, I think the song is decent..it just has a time and a place…and that wasn’t last night. Her attire was very dark, yet almost transparent. I thought that she was going to stop in the middle of the song, snatch off the Gothic look dress, and reveal the black pin-up outfit she was wearing beneath…and sing “Umbrella” (a song I hate). That moment never came either.

Nelly sang/rap or whatever he does, some song unknown to me. How the hell did he get a spot, and what was the point? Ciara ended up on stage again, dancing. Yet another highlight.

T-Pain came out again, too. This would make sense since he’s been on every track in the past year. So, this time, he got Lil’ Wayne started. This was the performance I waited up all night to see. I placed a bet that either Wayne would tear the stage up, or that he would suck badly from being so high that he wouldn’t rap any of his own lyrics. Lollipop wasn’t as moving as I thought it would be, and it was short. But in the next song, “A Milli,” he tried to make up for it. It was good enough, but I could’ve gotten several extra minutes of sleep last night…

…Or maybe, 3 extra hours.