The Arjay Conception

I finally got up enough balls to go see The Strangers last weekend in Baltimore. I had never seen a preview/trailer in which there was not even a vague explanation of what was going on–yet this piqued my curiosity.

I have been a scary movie fan since my pre-teens, growing up with Freddy, Jason, and Pinhead. However, something about the modern day thrillers that makes me fearful of going to the theaters….No, really, it is just me. I have this sick pseudo-fantasy that while intensely engrossed in a scary movie, the characters will pop out into the theaters and start stabbing us and slitting our throats! That’s why I choose to watch these types of movies while at home.

But instead, I picked up my bisexual friend, got dressed up a little to catch the eyes of a few men, and conned the ticket agent to give me my ticket at a discount ($8.50 versus $10) because I left my ID in my parents’ car. We thought we could use a drink in the meantime. The current showing had sold out and we had much time to kill. However, I couldn’t get anything at Chili’s, and I couldn’t even get into Dave & Busters without an ID (I really did forget it).

Two hours, gray skies, heavy down-pour, and a tornado later, we entered the theater. I must say, that the previews to the other upcoming movies were excellent. And that’s about the only thing that was excellent the rest of the night.

Of course, The Strangers was inspired by true events or based on a true story or some bullshit like that, again. I like Liv Tyler from Armageddon, daughter of the dude from Aerosmith; I think she is simply beautiful. She had major bags under her eyes during the entire movie. I’m not sure if that was intentional because she started off the movie with tears. I don’t know the other actor, and I’m not going to bother looking him up.

The beginning 30 minutes was so dull, quiet, and boring. I could barely concentrate because I know movies do this when there is going to be a lot of screaming and jumping later on. But it was still a real drag, I should have stepped out for a while and went to see a part of Ironman again.

Anyway, by the time they got to the scary villains, the audience was more than ready for it, and I finally woke up. I couldn’t scream, but my friend did, multiple times. But she is an admitted chicken shit, so don’t let that fool you. There were a lot of screams from the audience…and a lot of laughs (I’m included in the latter). Liv and the “other actor” did your average, dumb-ass movie stunts to include not having phones available, not being together at all times and going outside alone, and of course, tripping and falling.

Time out a second. Don’t you hate those muthafuckers in the theaters that narrate or make comments aloud to the entire audience throughout the movie? I thought the good, expensive theaters exterminate those retards.

Going back. Liv also ended the movie with tears. Everyone died. I think. I don’t know any more about the movie than I had originally seen in the trailer. There was no explanation, no story, no history, nada.

The best part was when we got back to her area, a whole quadrant of the city was power-less. We went to a local liquor store and bought some drinks. And finally, I caught the eyes of 2 Mexicans and an El Salvadorian. I feigned a lack of comprehension and as they walked out the door, I dropped a little Spanish on them. They didn’t realize it at first. But the cute El Salvadorian came back 5 secs later and we conversed in Spanglish for a little bit. I wouldn’t give him my number though because I feared I didn’t know enough to have a full fledged conversation por telefono, and also I’m not too fond of possibly drunk men.

We entered my friend’s house in the darkness and lit some candles. And then I fucked with her the rest of the night, saying that I heard strange noises and had visions of a man with a McDonald’s bag over his head standing outside the front door.

Then, I left her there, and went back home to my power and sweet air conditioning, $8.50 plus $20 (in the tank) poorer.