The Arjay Conception

My friend had children. She was married to a man. They lived in a house. He mistreated her. She took the kids and left. She got involved with a new piece of trash…and some women.

When she told me about the women, I almost fell out my chair. “Women?” I asked.

This made no sense to me. We had been friends for several years. We went shopping together, partied together, and talked about sex and men on a regular basis. In fact, we were bona fide pretend-whores.

I began to wonder, if all the times we were playing Tetris, or when she was doing my hair, was she “looking” at me? I decided it was possible. We did know some lesbians that we spoke of often (one of them really “liked” me).

I questioned my friend’s bisexuality like Oprah, “Why do you like women?” “How long have you liked them?” “Are you sure you like them?” “What do you do with them?”

And when she answered the last question, I became further confused. She said she does nothing. The women she was involved with do not let her touch them.

WTF?

She said that she is pleased by them orally, and with strap-ons, but that there is no reciprocation.

Well, how the heck can you be a lesbian if you aren’t eatin’, too?

She then proceed to describe femmes and dommes. (Am I back in French class?) If it is not so obvious, femmes are of the feminine characteristics, wearing make-up and looking like the average sexy bitch. And dommes are the opposite (dominating), often sport-bra wearing, trying to conceal every ounce of their womanhood.

But what about dykes, butches?…I didn’t know it was so complicated!

I did my own research and found numerous pages that dedicated themselves to describing different types of female homosexuality. Interesting. At least there is something for everyone.

Nevertheless, I concluded that she must be that way because of her bad relationships with men. Isn’t that what all psychologists say?

When I hang out with her, she calls out every domme in the vicinity like she has a HomoRadar (similar to my PopoRadar, so I can relate). I nod, and acknowledge them accordingly as if we were all in some type of pseudo-sorority…or would it be fraternity?

She has shown me pictures of her exes, and they all look like men! WTF is the point?

I almost lied my way out of a toy party she was having for fear that I would be the only heterosexual female in a house filled with liquor and nasty bitches. It seemed like an invitation for bicuriousnism. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.

She is supposed to be taking me to a gay club in Baltimore one day. I will go because if I know one thing, it is that gays seem to be have a helluva lot of fun. And I AM down with that.

I will never be able to figure out why my friend bothers being bisexual. She is still married. She had another kid (with the piece of trash). Her husband is back in the house (using her). And she is a pretty, friendly woman. But they say, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”